Hot town, summer in the city!

Well friends the weather is warm and we all know what that means... Its time to shed those sweaters, long johns and thermal socks and strip down to our skivvies. Unfortunately for the ladies out there this means showing off a lot more skin and coming face to face with the pesky body issues that have been kicking around your subconcious since junior high. Yes, thats right, showing off more shoulder, thigh and cleave results in a lot more than unwanted catcalls from sweaty, swarthy dudes. Its practically impossible to go anywhere without a constant stream of self-conscious questions scrolling through your head like ticker tape: are my legs too stubbly?is my natural glow starting to look too much like sweat?should i have worn a thong?are these shorts too short?is that dude looking at my bra strap?am i too lumpy in this dress?why am i wearing shoes that give me blisters?etc.?

Long story short I'm not about to single-handedly fight the war against women's negative self-image. Even the most self-assured, fully empowered amazonian warrior woman looks in the mirror and wishes that her armor didn't make her shoulders look so wide. Some things are just hard-wired in our confusing little brains. However this does not make these issues altogether impossible to avoid...all you need is a little common (fashion) sense.

This summer every trend, practically without exception, is unflattering to the female body (that's the fashion part). Don't buy these items of clothing (thats the common part). Don't we have enough problems to deal with without being forced to wear what is essentially a pop-tent over a pair of leave-nothing-to-the-imagination leggings?

Exhibit A. - The Tunic Dress

Although this trend may look mildly adorable on the fresh-faced youngster on the far right it is so obviously a YOUNG look which should not be reproduced by women in their 30's... Jessica Biel or pushing 40's... I'm talking to you Molly Simms. Not merely because it is creepy to emulate one's nymphette days 20-30 years after the fact, but also because it is simply not flattering to one's figure. How are you supposed to overcome your insecurities when this particular trend can make even a walking skeleton like Miss Molly look maternity-ward bound. Or make someone with smokin hot curves like Biel's look as shapeless as the knitted dolls covering the toilet paper at grandma's house.

Exhibit B. Skinny Jeans/Leggings

Now I understand that both of these fashion no-no's are heinous enough to get their own separate categories...but I am grouping them together based on their parallel crimes against the female form. Let's just get one thing straight before we begin: women are pear-shaped NOT diamond-shaped or shape-less. And it would be lovely if we could keep it that way.

Alright so I get what everybody is going for with the skinny jeans...they're trying to recreate the sleek, sophisticated glamour of Kate Moss.

Something along the lines of this:
However, in reality, we all end up looking a little more like this:
I'm not mocking the full figured ladies out there, especially those with lots of booty (cause you can definitely count me as one of your clan). Seriously though, if you ignore the heinous sneakers, this is the kind of silhouette we are creating, people. And it ain't pretty.

On to the whole Leggings as Pants debacle...L.Lo...I blame you.

Girls think they can get away with this just because you did:

Now I can't walk 3 blocks without seeing girls wearing leggings as pants willy nilly! For the record lets just take a closer look at what exactly leggings look like on a woman's body:
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF?? Hips are a beautiful thing. They are SEXY. And while we're on the topic...so are your lady parts. Just not when they are covered in Lycra. (Also, to quote Fanny Pack, "Fix yourself girl, you got a camel toe")

Until next time,
--Beatrice